"Mojave Blues."
By
DS Baker.
By
DS Baker.
"Yes
go bring me my shotgun
Yes
man and a pocket full of shells
Yeah
you know I'm gonna kill that woman
I'm
gonna throw her her in that old deep dug well
Hide
her from everybody they won't know where she at”
-Lightnin
Hopkins
I
took one last look at the Kitowski's home, and with a deep sigh of
regret, had Max port us back to the station house and began digging
through the mountain of electronic paperwork I had to sign off on.
Yes even with all the advanced tech the Terran Federation of Aligned
Worlds brings to the table, documenting and filing crap out in
triplicate is still a requirement. And our DA's are only allowed to
assist. Otherwise you get lazy detectives who are apt to miss
something during an investigation, when instead of doing their work
they are sucking down dog-nuts at the local coffee shop. (Sorry but its true. Maybe not my partner but human nature is like electricity. We love the path of least resistance.)
When I had finished I called up my boss Maj. Casey, and gave him the incident report. All in all it was a crappy ending to a really bad day, not that I minded fourteen hours in the saddle, that was considered normal in a normal homicide. But this was a hell of a long way from normal, and we knew magic, powerful magic had been used that left the proverbial forty eight hour clock stopped cold and frozen.
"Fuck this shit. I hate killers."
<Max my old man, I need you prepare a briefing. I get the feeling we are going to need all of us meat-sacks up to speed on their motivations and psychological profiles.>
<Gotcha Boychik. Mary and I are combing through the FBI database for hints on this guy, we will pull their latest conference notes as well. Oh! and Sibylline just notified Molly and me. You are now in charge of 'Team Angel' per Major Casey.>
<Great! Can you tell Mary I won't be coming home tonight? I am going to be running long on time.>
Even with Yueh's patented happy pills, I felt like shit. Horrible murder. Seeing something like that just takes the piss out of you. Don't believe the hype and the fiction. If someone's murder doesn't affect you, guess what? It's time to get out of the game.
Leo and I arrived back at HQ. Stepping through the portal, the sense of normality and purpose gave a nice counter balance to the feelings of surreality and how I felt off my stride. I looked over at Leo, "You OK mate?"
Leo smiled his patented wide smile, nodded his head and said, "No. I feel like a Dobhar-cu grabbed me by the back of the neck and has wrung me dry like dishrag." Taking his mocha colored hands, Leo began massaging his neck. "I need a short power nap and a cup o tay, with sumat a bit stronger swirled around."
"Right. Go take forty five, and meet me back in the conference room, with the rest of the team. I expect Molly can help you round them all up. Although I expect it will be like herding cats after what we just went through."
Leo O'Brian my black Irish partner from a different reality, who next to my wife was my best friend just nodded his head and disappeared into our office down the hall.
I felt like I was coming down with the flu. Whole body ached and I could the stirring of a fever. "Shit, I hate getting sick!"
"Well you look like you have had the shit kicked out of you and then dragged through the resulting mud hole." Major Casey my short rotund commanding officer said as soon as I walked through his office door. Imagine a nearsighted turtle wearing glasses, who smoked a black briar pipe with the ever present writhing tobacco fumes coiling around his head like a turban.
-Thank the creator of all, for medical nanite protocols. 'Cause coffee and cigarettes were often the very fuel that kept this office running.
"I take it Max informed you of the status of yourself and you have acquired a team?"
When I had finished I called up my boss Maj. Casey, and gave him the incident report. All in all it was a crappy ending to a really bad day, not that I minded fourteen hours in the saddle, that was considered normal in a normal homicide. But this was a hell of a long way from normal, and we knew magic, powerful magic had been used that left the proverbial forty eight hour clock stopped cold and frozen.
"Fuck this shit. I hate killers."
<Max my old man, I need you prepare a briefing. I get the feeling we are going to need all of us meat-sacks up to speed on their motivations and psychological profiles.>
<Gotcha Boychik. Mary and I are combing through the FBI database for hints on this guy, we will pull their latest conference notes as well. Oh! and Sibylline just notified Molly and me. You are now in charge of 'Team Angel' per Major Casey.>
<Great! Can you tell Mary I won't be coming home tonight? I am going to be running long on time.>
Even with Yueh's patented happy pills, I felt like shit. Horrible murder. Seeing something like that just takes the piss out of you. Don't believe the hype and the fiction. If someone's murder doesn't affect you, guess what? It's time to get out of the game.
Leo and I arrived back at HQ. Stepping through the portal, the sense of normality and purpose gave a nice counter balance to the feelings of surreality and how I felt off my stride. I looked over at Leo, "You OK mate?"
Leo smiled his patented wide smile, nodded his head and said, "No. I feel like a Dobhar-cu grabbed me by the back of the neck and has wrung me dry like dishrag." Taking his mocha colored hands, Leo began massaging his neck. "I need a short power nap and a cup o tay, with sumat a bit stronger swirled around."
"Right. Go take forty five, and meet me back in the conference room, with the rest of the team. I expect Molly can help you round them all up. Although I expect it will be like herding cats after what we just went through."
Leo O'Brian my black Irish partner from a different reality, who next to my wife was my best friend just nodded his head and disappeared into our office down the hall.
I felt like I was coming down with the flu. Whole body ached and I could the stirring of a fever. "Shit, I hate getting sick!"
"Well you look like you have had the shit kicked out of you and then dragged through the resulting mud hole." Major Casey my short rotund commanding officer said as soon as I walked through his office door. Imagine a nearsighted turtle wearing glasses, who smoked a black briar pipe with the ever present writhing tobacco fumes coiling around his head like a turban.
-Thank the creator of all, for medical nanite protocols. 'Cause coffee and cigarettes were often the very fuel that kept this office running.
"I take it Max informed you of the status of yourself and you have acquired a team?"
"Yes sir. I have called for a team meeting, roughly forty minutes from now in the conference room. Most of us just need a few moments to ourselves."
****
(Conference
Room Vegas Station)
The
conference of what our Digital Assistants were calling 'Team Angel'
was winding down. Before excusing everyone to go take care of their
allotted tasks I asked Miracle Max Bialystok my personal DA to give a
short precis' on the basic parameters of what a Serial Killer was and
wasn't. Even though we were all police in one form or another sitting
around the conference table, repeating something we knew or thought
we knew didn't hurt. And unlike a large number of other commanders in
the IDPF, I believe in my detectives doing as much of their own leg
work as possible.
“I
know we are tired. But before we call this a night, or day, I want
you to listen to the basics. It is the fundamentals that keep us
sharp. It is reviewing and reading profiles, being compulsive in our
quest for details. If I may mangle Flaubert for a moment, ‘God
is in the details.’ So let us review the very basic concepts and
their fallacies concerning serial killers. To that end, I give the
floor over to Miracle Max Bialystok.”
<Thank
you Captain Greene,
Ladies
and Gentlemen, here are but a few highlights from the current FBI
symposium on Serial Killers:>
<Myth
Serial killers are dysfunctional loners>
<Nothing
could be further from the truth. True some are. However it is the
Serial Killer's ability to blend in with his natural environment
which makes his such a deadly predator.
Economic
environs are just camouflage...>
****
Meanwhile
across the planet in the countryside of Belgium...
The
tall aristocratic man who called himself Michael d'Mort stepped out
from the estate managers work shed dressed impeccably in a four
thousand dollar wool dark gray bespoke suit, with a Burberry camel
hair trench coat, cashmere lined pig skin gloves, and faintly
smelling of an exotic custom blended cologne. Virgin Shetland wool
scarf and handmade Italian loafers from an exclusive private house
completed his assemble. A modern aristocrat strolling through the
garden.
****
<Myth
serial killers are white males.>
<Contrary
to movies or television, serial killers span all race and or
ethnicity.
Although
white males do tend to make up of the majority of killers.>
****
The
estate was old. It had belonged to his family since the largest oaks
had been acorns planted in the garden. His family's people and those who
served them had formed their own private world and community. The
formal French inspired estate outside of Liege was cold. It was
always cold. It being winter, doubly so. The garden had pulled in its
rainbow colors and the world was now sepia collage of gray, deep
umber, and olive. As if an artist had delicately painted in the
subtle nuances of winter, light drifts of snow lay in gentle
crescents underneath hedge and tree. The path leading up to the manor
through the towering columns of flanking Italian evergreen Cedars,
made crunching noises as he walked its crushed oyster shell path.
****
<Myth
serial killers are motivated by sex.>
<Not
all serial killers are motivated by sex. However those that are
tend
to be particularly violent. Several killers have been motivated by
revenge,
anger, the thrill of getting away with their crimes, and the absolute
power
they are able to have over their victims.>
****
He
despised the fact he could not come and go from his quarters as he
liked. Yet again, another control this bitch has over me. Raged
fueled thoughts ran through his mind. She created me. Made me,
crafted me out of her own will and spite, and then forbids me to be
what I am. I have to be quiet, submissive, her beck and call boy toy.
Give her what she wants, never what I want. She likes it when I tell
her of my kills, it makes her want me. I hate her. I would kill her
if I could... Mother you scheming bitch. I am tired of being your
puppet, and keeping your bed warm.
His
rage cooled by the time he arrived at the servants entrance to the
Manor. Unlocking the 14th Century wooden door studded with nails and
hand crafted wrought iron hinges, Michael d'Mort stepped into his
mother's kitchen.
****
<Psychopathy
Personality Disorder>
<Psychopathy
is a personality disorder manifested in people who use a mixture of
charm, manipulation, intimidation, and occasionally violence to
control others, in order to satisfy their own selfish needs. And in
our case, our serial killer is also using some unknown forms of
magic. He may be driven by his needs or he may have a set agenda.
Make no mistake this killer is extremely likable and confident. His
victims are his playthings, his enjoyment for living a painful and or
constricted life. He and we are assuming it is a he is acting out as
he wishes. Not living under some form of constraint or restriction
society might wish to impose upon him.>
****
Because
she was the teacher, and he the eternal student, she knew when his
portals opened or closed on her property. There was no hiding this
fact from the Countess Marissa and so, she deactivated her stasis
chamber and rose, stepping from its embrace to don her silk house
coat. She loved how the silk caressed her naked body as if a hundred
tiny fingers tickled her skin. She thought of her boy who was home
from his latest round of passion.
”He
has become as sharp and deadly as an obsidian blade. His power is
strong!” Right on heels of that thought came another realization,
“But he is weak. Weak men are dangerous and deadly, and like an
obsidian blade, they can shatter at the wrong angle. I must allow him
his temper tantrums.”
Combing
her hair with clawed fingers A complex set of sexual desire signals
flowed through her body as she stood on her toes stretching like a
cat.
“I
can't wait for his latest story. I want to feel him inside of me as
he tell of his kill.”
****
<
Myth serial killers do not evolve.>
<This
is very important for all concerned.-Serial killers do
evolve.
They can change tactics or grow in their methods with just one
killing or through an entire arch of murders. It is one of the more
interesting aspects of a serial killer. Not unlike the Velociraptors
in a certain set of pop movies who are testing the fence line of
their enclosure, they evolve and get better at what they do.>
****
“She
always wants me to come to her in her suite upon my return. She will
not participate in the kill herself, but she takes great pleasure in
tasting my victim's pain. I am so heartily sick of being her Thrall.”
Anger
gripped his muscular frame like a high voltage ground fault. The
man known as Michael d'Mort, the Angel of Death, disrobed in the
front entrance of his mother's bedroom suite. Neatly folding his
clothes into separate and tidy parcels he placed them on her settee
for the servants to take away to be cleaned. He was never allowed to
enter her private chambers clothed, He had to be naked and
vulnerable. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom.
“She
is in a playful mood. She only wants to play in the shower when she
is in a good mood.”
She
met him naked as he was, together they stepped into the sauna shower.
Without saying a word, he stood beneath the shower heads and
passively allowed her to wash his body. When he was clean to her
satisfaction Michael's mother took her fingernails and carved bloody
magic symbols in his flesh. The pain was exquisite but as fleeting as
the blood washing down his body. When the ritual was finished he was
aroused by its power. She led him to the bedroom where she would use
his body and thereby by dint of sympathetic magic, relive the murder
he performed at her behest as if, she herself had committed it. The
experience always left him drained and feeling like a used piece of
luggage which had been packed almost beyond its capacity to carry its
load, and was now sagging and empty.
****
<Serial
killers are apprehended by lone wolf police officers.>
<A
romantic and frankly insipid idea storytellers in the various forms
of the media have continued to propagate. Leadership, dedication,
communication, a willingness to work with other jurisdictions and
entities are what helps to catch a serial killer. It is never a lone
operative situation. It is however always a team effort.>
****
With the meeting finished, I
clocked out for the day, messaged Leo I was going home and I would
see him in the morning. I had been popping Yueh's candy in my mouth all afternoon, in the vague hope it would help. It was not working. My temples continued to throb and I knew I was feverish.
I drove my truck to Mary's restaurant "The Golden Dragon" in Little China Town off of Paradise Road. Slipped in the back door.
My wife upon marrying me had revealed one of her closely held secrets
she possessed while growing up in the palace. She loved to cook. And not
just boiling some water for noodles or pan fry the odd dumplings.
Real exotic foodstuffs. Maybe after interdimensional travel went official, we could introduce some of her Grand Dragon Shrimp dishes.
We loved each other that was not an easy way to describe. Because we had bonded, we were slowly becoming emotionally one unit. And actually I think that is the way its supposed to be. But you know it was also a match made in heaven or hell, depending on what each day brought. Chinese wife who loved to cook who also was a high level magic user, and Jewish cop who loved to eat what his wife served him. Go figure the odds.
"Ben' Dan! Stupid Idiot!" My wifes fury filled voice rang through my ears, as I tried to ease my way into the back private booth reserved for our use.
Mary
“The sunshine kissed peach blossom” of the Imperial Court of
Wuhan, and sole daughter and heir to the Emperor of Wuhan took one
look at my gray potato nosed face and made a growling noise in the
back of her throat.
She had felt sick all day long. Her nervous system shorted and jangled up under her skin. Borer worms in my brain! Oh Celestial Lords what is wrong with him? He is sick!
Mary took one look at me and fire flashed in her eyes. That's not an exaggeration. The world started tilting sideways, as the strings holding me up, were being snipped one at a time.
Mary grabbed my Digital Assistant Max off my belt and began literally screaming at him in Mandarin.
When
she paused for a breath, Max commed her <Mary!
Quit screaming! I am right here. I assure you madam I have perfect
hearing.>
“You
better listen to me Max Bialostok! This morning my husband left his
house in perfectly good working condition. Now look at him! He looks
more like a ghost that he ever did. I can tell by his Qi, that he is
ill or cursed. So you better tell that Maj. Casey he is calling in
sick tomorrow and possibly the day after that! Or I will have Wang
Long Shin Shen use you as a digestive aid in his belly furnace!"
Being
in the presence of my wife was like someone pulled the plug on an old
fashion bath tub The tension of the day finally melted away and with
it my ability to stand or function properly. I felt drugged and
sleepy. I remember mumbling something to Mary about taking a nap on
the table top.
****
I
woke up in our home in Wuhan. Wuhan exists in the quantum foam between dimensions. My wife is a potent and puissant
magician in her own right. She knew something was up, and after I had passed out she had grilled Max my DA ruthlessly. She has this way
of using her index finger, where she points it at you and a glowing
ball of plasma hangs in the air waiting to find a home. Max fell
apart like a cheap suitcase and spilled the details of the murder,
hexing of the crime scene, and everyone's reactions. I don't think he
left any detail out the little SOB.
As
a wedding gift my father-in-law spent a month and a half crafting our
very own palace. As far as size goes, it is the smallest imperial
residence in Wuhan. It is simply called the Water Palace. In the center of this lake sits a
traditional Chinese Tea house. It has just enough room for four
people to sit comfortably. There
is a hidden button on the nose of one of the water dragons carved
into the pillars supporting the roof of the pavilion. Press the
button and stairs appear leading downwards into the lake itself.
All pretense of ancient Chinese or Han culture stops at the staircase. My wife likes clean post modern lines and Scandinavian designed furniture. It has an open floor plan with subdued lighting and shoji style screens that can be moved around to change the layout of the house. The truly unique aspect of the house is there are no external walls. Just magical screens that keep the water out. But because it is Wuhan, and Wuhan is a magical place, the aquatic life freely swim through our house as if water and not air was present. I won't tell the grumpy SOB but my father-in-law did good. I love our home here. Beats living at the base of Black Mountain in Henderson NV all to hell and gone.
All pretense of ancient Chinese or Han culture stops at the staircase. My wife likes clean post modern lines and Scandinavian designed furniture. It has an open floor plan with subdued lighting and shoji style screens that can be moved around to change the layout of the house. The truly unique aspect of the house is there are no external walls. Just magical screens that keep the water out. But because it is Wuhan, and Wuhan is a magical place, the aquatic life freely swim through our house as if water and not air was present. I won't tell the grumpy SOB but my father-in-law did good. I love our home here. Beats living at the base of Black Mountain in Henderson NV all to hell and gone.
I woke up with a concerned wife standing over my side of the bed.
“Nǐ xūyào kàn dào de yù yī.” Mary said to me....and then it dawned on her Max my DA was not in the room with us. “You need to see the court physician. They have made a special time for you. So you need to get dressed.” She then made shooing motions with her hands like she was scattering chickens.
“Nǐ xūyào kàn dào de yù yī.” Mary said to me....and then it dawned on her Max my DA was not in the room with us. “You need to see the court physician. They have made a special time for you. So you need to get dressed.” She then made shooing motions with her hands like she was scattering chickens.
My
father before he died, could see I was getting to an age, where
fatherly advice was going to be needed. He relayed to me the only
thing I know my grandfather ever said to him, “Marcus my son your
grandfather gave me the best advice in the world when it comes to a
wife. If she isn't happy. You will not live in a happy home.”
I
have never forgotten that particular bit of wisdom. I looked at Mary
and said, “Yes ma'am. I am moving.” I put action to words and
went into my dressing room.
<Is
it safe to come out Boychick?> Max
queried me on our secure channel.
<
Yeah. Where the heck are you anyways?>
<The
princess of the Jade Court, The Sun Kissed Peach, The Ambassador
without Portfolio to the Terran Federation, And to all the magical
Squib Worlds, Daughter of the Heavenly Blessed Emperor of Wuhan, and
your wife has put
me in a locked box
in
your dressing room.>
<Did
this teach you anything? Maybe some humility?>
<Yeah.
Two things. Don't piss your wife off. And you threatening me won't
work anymore, not after staring down her plasma ball of doom. I'll
let you guess about the humility part.>
<Wussy.
If she had been really peeved. She would have just turned you inside
out like a sock and have been done with the whole thing. I saw her do
that once. Still makes me want to pee thinking about it.>
Did I mention my wife was a powerful and puissant magic user? Our courtship, wedding and all the cultural bull shit we had to go through in order to get married would fill a book in of itself. While I was busily kvetching with Miracle Max Bialystok, my constant companion and Digital Assistant, I was putting it on. The costume. The Rig. Otherwise known as court robes. My robes were made out of the deepest blue, almost black silk, with the Star of David woven into the fabric with gold bullion thread, and as a counterpoint silver bullion had been used to spell out the Hebrew word Chai.
The Emperor's craftsmen in a special nod, even went to Terra one one six, and talked to the Chief Rabbi of Solomon's Temple... yeah they have their own version. (Don't even get me started on the implications of someone finding out there is a Jewish Empire on another version of Earth. Oy Freaking Vey!) The artisans with the help of magicians wove tiny Hebrew and Aramaic words of protection in black silk all throughout my robes. I don't wear slippers but chewed goatskin riding boots, with soft fleece linings and red cotton pantaloons with threads of gold silk running throughout in a vertical pattern. And I wore my pants stuffed into the top of my boots.
Did I mention my wife was a powerful and puissant magic user? Our courtship, wedding and all the cultural bull shit we had to go through in order to get married would fill a book in of itself. While I was busily kvetching with Miracle Max Bialystok, my constant companion and Digital Assistant, I was putting it on. The costume. The Rig. Otherwise known as court robes. My robes were made out of the deepest blue, almost black silk, with the Star of David woven into the fabric with gold bullion thread, and as a counterpoint silver bullion had been used to spell out the Hebrew word Chai.
The Emperor's craftsmen in a special nod, even went to Terra one one six, and talked to the Chief Rabbi of Solomon's Temple... yeah they have their own version. (Don't even get me started on the implications of someone finding out there is a Jewish Empire on another version of Earth. Oy Freaking Vey!) The artisans with the help of magicians wove tiny Hebrew and Aramaic words of protection in black silk all throughout my robes. I don't wear slippers but chewed goatskin riding boots, with soft fleece linings and red cotton pantaloons with threads of gold silk running throughout in a vertical pattern. And I wore my pants stuffed into the top of my boots.
<Aren't
you Farpitzs! You look good for a Hebrew who hasn't been to the
synagogue in years...But the cowboys at the roping arena would just
love
this
outfit.>
As
a matter of course I can make rude gestures with my neural processor
and Max can “see” them. He sent one back which was a physical
impossibility.
<Thanks
Max. I think I look spiffy myself. And when did you become my
mother?> I said letting a bit more annoyance and irritation into
my tone.
Lastly I rescued Max from his box. Doing
his best Yiddish Lower East Side voice, <Vell
since it's been such a long toime. Maybe you should talk to a Rabbi?
Eh, get some of dat oyld toimey religious protection, maybe I dunno
call me meshuggeneh, but I think der might be sumtin to dis magical
business. Fight fire wit fire neh?>
I
looked down at my DA's hard case in my hand and thought, The
wonders of the universe are manifestly amazing. Here I have an
Artificial Life form who had decided on his own to become Jewish.
Truly there is a G-d and his ways are infinite as the worlds he has
created.
<
Yeah Max, I think there might be something to this magic business.
Maybe latter I can talk to a Rabbi. Right now I have a date with a
Doctor of Wuhan and my lovely wife.>
<Wake
me up after. I don't want to hear you screaming or see your blood
spilled by some witchdoctor in a black funky outfit. If they pull out
the leeches let me know. I'll take bets to see who dies first, you or
the leach.>
He then started playing some Hans Zimmer tune which was suitably techno and creepy at the same time. Then he turned off his display, and with that, my peevish DA went to sleep. Or at least pretended to. He might be an Alter Cocker but he is my old fart. I smiled. The crusty creature makes me do that.
He then started playing some Hans Zimmer tune which was suitably techno and creepy at the same time. Then he turned off his display, and with that, my peevish DA went to sleep. Or at least pretended to. He might be an Alter Cocker but he is my old fart. I smiled. The crusty creature makes me do that.
I
met my wife in the hall and she was looking stunning in a Turquoise
Silk gown with hundreds of five toed gold dragons hiding and playing
amongst tiny pink peony blossoms. The gown was a gift from the people
of Wu-Luoyang. She had her hair up and dozens of tiny plums and plum
blossoms carved from light green jade were pinned in her hair.
My
wife held out her hands and I took them. She smiled sweetly and
lifter her face. I leaned down and kissed her.
She
said after our embrace which left us both dazed, “You look pretty
good for a potato nosed Latke cowboy from Las Vegas.” She reached
up and pinched my nose and the slapped me on my butt and finished
with, “Let us get you to the doctor.” And then she summoned a
portal of green colored ice fire and we stepped into the Imperial
Jade Court.
****
The
Jade Court of Wuhan is a massive space. It is supposed to make a person feel
small and insignificant as one gets closer to the dais where the
emperor sits.
The court they say, once was full of light, life and a rainbow of colors. But the emperor's wife, died under mysterious circumstances. Mary won't talk about it. Because the Imperial household and its family bond with their mates, there is no second spouse. You can get divorced, live separate lives, but you will always be bonded to your mate. If they die, you feel them die. If they are sick, you feel their discomfort and vice verse.
The court they say, once was full of light, life and a rainbow of colors. But the emperor's wife, died under mysterious circumstances. Mary won't talk about it. Because the Imperial household and its family bond with their mates, there is no second spouse. You can get divorced, live separate lives, but you will always be bonded to your mate. If they die, you feel them die. If they are sick, you feel their discomfort and vice verse.
Which
is why Mary freaked out when I came home. She knew
I
was sick. So she took immediate action. On a related side note: my
father-in-law because of his bonding has never recovered fully from
the loss of his spouse. As a result the Jade court is filled with
subdued and very deep greens, and variations of black and silver, and
it always cold as hell inside the main hall.
Our
portal by Imperial law, decree and magical wards will only open halfway to the
throne. Even half way it is a three minute walk. The onyx columns are
covered with antique style Shang and Zhou bas-relief carvings of
dragons and demons, they fade away into the distance in every
direction you look. With half seen sinuous shapes in the roof trusses
moving and coiling. Massive fire baskets are alight with resinous
aromatic woods but appear to only be tiny lanterns of light
flickering in the distance.
Silver slate floor tiles are incised with flowing black script warding off
evil. It is old magic from the very mists of early Wuhan when sigils
and pictographs were carved on oracle bones; back before the time men
and dragonkind became friends. Each step caused them to utter a word
just barely heard in the audible range. As you walk across the
floor of the court, you cause spells of protection to be spoken. Some
people referred to it as the hall of whispers. Whether from the mass
of humanity who sat in serried rank upon rank, with their body heat
steaming off their backs as white vapor while they whispered prayers
for the well being of the Emperor or the court intrigue which
surrounds all such places.
We
were met with a delegation of forty black clad fawning courtiers.
None of whom were allowed to look at us in the eye or talk to us. But
they were more than communicative with hand gestures.
Mary
waved to me and said, “Don't worry my love, I will see you in a
little while.” Please by all that is merciful let him find healing. I don't want to live without him by my side. Mary whispered silently to herself.
I
was led to a dark and foreboding passage that sloped down below the
level of the court. The ramp was lined with softly glowing strips of
neon jade and jade colored demon masks. Presently we came to an iron
bound and strapped door with spikes and roundels of bronze some five
meters high by five meters wide. The air in the passage had become
moist and musty. Two incredibly large Imperial Battle Trolls stood
guard with their halberds crossed in front of the door.
We
waited for someone or something to open the door, I was getting
increasingly nervous, and there was a building tension in the group
of courtiers.
<I'm
Batman> Max
whispered into my ear and I just about levitated a foot off the
ground.
<Jebeus
on a pogo stick! You scared the shit out of me!> I all but
screamed back at him through our private communication channel.
<You didn't think I had actually gone to sleep did you Boychik? They get funky with you, I port us both out of here and back to Vegas station, quicker than a change girl can swap out hundred dollar bill for quarters on an all you can drink night at the Conquistador.>
<You didn't think I had actually gone to sleep did you Boychik? They get funky with you, I port us both out of here and back to Vegas station, quicker than a change girl can swap out hundred dollar bill for quarters on an all you can drink night at the Conquistador.>
<Thanks
my friend I appreciate it.>
I actually started chuckling and I think that disturbed my Wuhan escorts. They started giving me dirty looks. Apparently I wasn't as appreciative and solemn as a patient for the great Court Physician who Mary apparently forgot to tell me his or her name was. Screw em sideways with Fungo bat! I thought.
I actually started chuckling and I think that disturbed my Wuhan escorts. They started giving me dirty looks. Apparently I wasn't as appreciative and solemn as a patient for the great Court Physician who Mary apparently forgot to tell me his or her name was. Screw em sideways with Fungo bat! I thought.
Two
large baskets attached to the wall flared to life,and the immense
Imperial Battle Trolls snapped to attention, as the door which it
turned out to be was a gate opened revealing a large and I
do mean large midnight blue and gold dragon. The dragon was so big it looked
like it could barely fit into the five meter by five meter tunnel I
now saw. Then I had another one of those “Welcome to Wuhan”
experiences happen. It was a she. Because the dragon morphed into an incredibly good
looking and sexy woman person thing with blue skin with gold eyes and hair.
<Hello
Noise! You know if humanoids did it for me I would be in a lot of
trouble right now.> Max
all but barked into my ear as he started play “Striptease” by
David Rose.
<Knock
that crap off. I am not sure she can't hear you.> I all but hissed
at him.
Like
Moses parting the Red Sea, The Elegant blue woman with gold hair
walked through the courtiers and they fell away from her, as she
glided towards me. Her golden hair was loose and it floated as if it
was underwater waving in a gentle current. She was the most mesmerizing
creature I had seen to date.
<I
can hear you and your mechanical friend with the interesting way of
expressing himself>
To tell you I was surprised would be the understatement of the century. Especially when I realized her lips had never moved and she was using the same private channel Max and I used.
To tell you I was surprised would be the understatement of the century. Especially when I realized her lips had never moved and she was using the same private channel Max and I used.
<Relax
my Prince. You're safe with me. I am a doctor and healer to the
Emperor himself. You should follow me. We have work to do.>
<Fugggg...>
Max
started to curse.
<Shaddup
Max. Let's go see what the lovely doctor has in store for me.> I
smiled at her and followed her into the tunnel that took us further
into the intestines of the imperial court complex. I looked behind me
and saw I was alone. All of the courtiers had fallen on their faces
and were prostate and chanting.
<Do
you have a name I might address you by M'lady?> I asked in my best
and smoothest mental voice.
<
Greeszzzrphtzzx Is my name I share with Dragonkind. To know a
person’s name is to have power. So I will keep my true name to
myself Marcus Greene Prince of Wuhan.>
She
paused for a moment and continued on <
It
doesn't translate very well into your English but you may call me
Longti Furen. Roughly it means Dragon's Health Lady. And from now on
I shall refer to you as Dianxia or my Prince.>
Her
voice was calm and soothing in my ears. The nervous sick energy I was feeling began to ease in my chest. We continued to speak in this
manner as we circled ever so gently downward. Deeper and deeper into
the basement levels of the palace we traveled. Every twenty meters or
so a hidden gate or portcullis would close behind us.
Finally
I stopped and looked at the last gate to close behind us and said to
my companion, “Excuse me Longti Furen, but is there something I
should know about where we are going and why are gates and doors
slamming shut behind us?”
<Dianxia,
we travel to where demons are kept. You have a curse laid upon your
very soul, designed to leach away your Qi and cause you to eventually
kill yourself from despair. It is a serious curse. It has been
attracted to you specifically and to a lesser extent to your
coworkers on your home reality. Chen Yisheng has seen to your
comrades but for some reason it has attached this curse directly to
you. So we go where demons are tamed and captured.>
I
stood there in shock. Holy
Moses!
“Are
you telling me I have a demon attached to me somehow?” My guts did flip flops and I sort of blanked emotionally.
<Yes
Dianxia.> Was
all she said.
Too
stunned to do much more than run the fact I had a demon attached to
me through my brain, she gently took my hand and led me down the
curving tunnel to an oddly shaped door. It wasn't square the sides
were uneven giving it a strange Alice in Wonderland look to it ala
classical Disney animation. In blood red glowing paint the radical
for “Ghost” stood thrumming in my conscience like a beating drum.
My skin became slick with flop sweat. My heart was in my throat and
my limbs were becoming weak. The door opened wide and a blinding
white light speared itself into my eyes and I screamed.
****
When
I awoke I was laying on padded table in the Water Palace with a towel
wrapped around my waist and a blind court masseuse by the name of Sun
Yaoting who was busily working the kinks out of my muscles and I felt
like I had been pulled through a knot hole in a fence sideways. My
wife was sitting on a chaise lounge with her hair up in a towel and
wearing one of her fluffy bath robes she bought from the Savoy hotel in London during our
honeymoon. She looked as pale and just as wrung out as I was.
“Are
you alright my love?” I asked.
“Yes
my love I am. I am a bit tired but we are both safe and healthy.
Remember a slight to one is a slight to both. When you are sick so am
I. When I am threatened you will be too.”
“Mary
what happened? I saw the door and it made me freak out, and then the
light hurt. What was that all about?”
“Marcus
I don't know where this monster you're hunting found this demon, but
in Chinese the description name is a E
gui. A
hungry ghost. It is another type of vampire. It feeds on anything, it
will even eat feces and garbage. But if it attaches itself to a human
it will suck their spirit dry. They are always hungry. They never
stop. And I am tired. I used a lot of energy keeping it from getting
to your soul. So enjoy your body rub.”
And
with that my wife smiled at me and closed her eyes. Sun Yaoting
worked his body magic into my muscles. I was glad to be able to drift
off.
A
familiar voice cut through my fugue and I shot bolt upright. “Daddy!”
I opened my eyes and walking into the room was my father-in-law 'may
my eyes forever be lowered', carrying my daughter and his constant
companion Wang Jin Long Shin Shen or Mr. King Golden Dragon. He
allows me in private to call him Goldie. We named our restaurant
after him, “The Golden Dragon.”
“GrandpagavemeaFoxIamgoingtocallhimFurtercausehetoldmehelikesFrankenfurters!”
It all rushed out in a torrent of three year old speak.
Clutched
in her hands was a beautiful stuffed toy fox. She wriggled around in
the Emperor’s grasp and he finally let her down. She ran full tilt
into my arms and gave me a hug and I felt like my heart had been
reattached to my body. I looked at my father-in-law and he gave me
the look. The look only parents know. The one that said, Now
you know what I entrusted to you when you married my daughter.
Goldie
walked in and bowed to Mary and then looked at me and said, “Dianxia
I have two gifts for you today. The first, is to show you this.” He
clapped his hands and a small sphere appeared and inside it was a
mottled green brown creature with no eyes and a sucker shaped mouth
with sharp teeth. It
made a squealing noise similar to a wounded pig. Goldie the Dragon in his human mask smiled with a mouth too full of teeth and squeezed his
hands together. There was a popping noise and the E gui, was gone
forever.
“And
I wanted to give you this.” With
a twist of his right wrist he opened his palm and on a golden chain
was one of the longest and scariest looking canine tooth I have ever
seen. “It
is one of my own. It shall ward you, and ward the Princess of magical
attack in the future. It will stop all but the most ferocious of
attacks. Wear it with my blessings.”
He
handed it to Rivka my daughter and she took it from him with one of
her patented shy heart string twisting smiles and placed it gently
around my neck. It immediately felt like it belonged there.
Goldie
held out his hand to my daughter and said, “Come
little one. Let your mommy and daddy speak to grandfather. I will
take you to meet the air dragons who live on top of Huangshan.”
With
a voice as powerful as you might imagine my father-in-law began to
speak and then he saw my wife's face and he cleared his throat and
dialed it down several notches. He went from being the lord of the
universe to the Etonian Undergraduate who went to Oxford. “Marcus
my son. I now believe it is time we talk about protection for you and
your family. I know you have eschewed the advantages a household
wizard would provide for you and your family, as you believed your
technology could compensate. My daughter's uncle Bao will be joining
your household. Rivka is old enough to start training in the most
basic of Wushu and your house needs protection that, you and or your
IDPF can't provide.”
I
believe my own intransigent attitude came from three places. Being an
American, and our non elitist attitudes. Growing up in the west,
where it was what you Did, which
mattered more than who you knew, and lastly I resented the fact my
Father-in-law was right. Then I looked over at my wife and I realized
she was not happy. I looked at the Emperor of Wuhan, and just nodded
my head.
He
reached out in a rare display of affection and touched my head and
said, “A
gem is not polished without rubbing nor a man perfected without
trials.” Then
he paused, looked down on me and said in a normal tone of voice,
“Enough of the fortune cookie crap. You have a family. A really
large family now. You are my son. My son. The only one that is bonded to my
daughter and the father of my granddaughter. An injury to one, is an
injury to all. They threaten you, they threaten the entirety of Wuhan
as well. That is my final word on the matter.”
Then the peanut gallery spoke up in my private communication channel,
<Adokter
un a kvores-man zeinen shutfim. Doctors and Grave-Diggers are
partners. You have had enough lately of the one, don't give the
second one your business.> Miracle
Max Bialystok said gruffly.
So
that is how I ended up with my wife's Uncle Bao moving in with us.
Family. Go figure. One minute you want to choke the life out of them,
the next they come riding to your rescue.
****
